In A Moment Of Brokenness..

“I am God.

At the right time I’ll make it happen”

            - Isaiah 60:22

What am I doing here? Where am I going? Why am I in this place, at this time? Did I mess up, hear Him wrong, choose my plan over His?

These are the questions that are rolling over and over in my head.

I’m so confused. So alone. And so very scared.

I have no answers. I’m on my face screaming what now Lord? I need you to show up. But he has. He has done so much for me in these past few weeks and I, as a human, still want more.

MY flesh desires the comfortable. The stable. The known. But my spirit knows that only lasts for a time. Eternity – that is my stability. This life is not my own and this present situation was handcrafted by my Father. None of this is a surprise to Him. None of my self-pity is either. He’s teaching me complete dependence on Him. How many times must I go through this? As many times as needed. I must pick up my cross daily, burning my flesh daily. It only comes in millimeter pieces. But I must learn to relish it. To have complete joy through all circumstances. Knowing full well my Father – gracious is He – is right beside me, pushing me, prodding me, and carrying me to that finish line.

Those small victories are great but what’s better are these moments. When I’ve come to the end of FLESH and bow low to HIM. I must learn that bowing is not only reverent but needed 24/7 as is JOY. When will I learn complete joy? Soon I hope. To praise Him when I have only a dollar in my bank account – because that means His provisions are about to come. Through my weakest moments He calls me to do something and through that He gets all the glory! Hallelujah. I am allowed to see Him. My family gets to see Him. My friends see Him. And I hope you see Him. He gets all the credit and I get none. For He calls and raises each of us in our weakest moments to shine for all the world to see. But beloved if you do not submit to that call. If you run back to your homeland too soon or breakdown to your flesh what whale will you be missing? And who else misses it?

Had I not submitted to the calling of leaving comfort and stability my family would not be challenged daily by Christ. Multiple people that I have been able to share my story with and through that challenge their faith – they would still be lost. How unworthy am I…but that is why I was called. That is why I was asked to GO and GO NOW. Because He wanted to shine in my weakest moments, to touch the untouchables through my inadequacies, and to stretch me to a place I have never been so I’ll understand Him and His undeniable LOVE.

I’m imperfect but through my imperfections, there, does Christ’s glory lie.

“The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy you with all good things.”

            - Isaiah 58:11